How much pleasure can you handle?

At what point while having fun or indulging yourself does your body rebel and “punish” you? Today, I was having a joyful day of meditating in the morning, walking my dogs, researching my latest writing project, reading ‘A Course in Miracles’ in the bathtub, getting an hour foot massage (for $25) and delighting in a chocolate croissant and refresh tea when – I stubbed my toe. That was my maximum. It was about 10 hours of pleasure. That’s pretty good. But then my ego said…I can’t take it. We’re not used to this much goodness and ease and peace. I must intervene. I must reel it back. So…ouch!

Of course, I worked my magic on my foot and it was fine in no time, but it reminded me of the ego’s thermostat for joy and pleasure and my determination to break it. As children our bodies build an internal monitor of pleasure and pain. The ego is trying to keep us safe at all times so it adjusts to the level of crazy we were raised with. Then, everything you try to do above (or below) that level gets the rubberband effect. We naturally readjust to what we are used to. This is one of the reasons it is challenging to break an unhealthy pattern. It is almost as if our body tells us to take our negative medicine to keep everything as is.

But it is breakable! I went from being miserable 85-100% of the time in my teens to being joyful 85-100% decades later. Yes, it took work. I employed a plethora of healing techniques, but just as importantly, I set my intention to be more joyful everyday and I push the boundaries of pleasure and fun relaxing into greater and greater joy. I pay attention to when negative thoughts, feelings and actions come up. When I am able, I give them love and understanding as I know they are just wounded pieces of my ego that need attention.

So, here’s the challenge… get out your thermometer and take your temperature. Where you at? Can you raise your bar? Can you have a scooch more joy? An inch more pleasure? Can you add sensuality to washing the dishes to make them more enjoyable? Can you give yourself a hug or kiss just for fun? Can you relax your body and feel into the spots where there is space for more joy? And then can you close your eyes and let pleasure well up inside?

Fredrick Dodson tells us we can increase our joy just by getting silent and willing it to increase. 10 fold, 100 fold, 10,000 fold. Try it. It just might lift your spirits and raise your thermometer a whole new level…

In case you think affirmations don't work...

Once an affirmation is stated, the universe quickly conspires to fulfill it. Whether you ask to be “beautiful, bountiful and blissful” or “to have more money or peace in your life”, as soon as you make the request, changes start to occur.

The reason that many people believe affirmations don’t work is that in order to get to the frequency of "bliss" or "peace" or "more money", oftentimes we must clear a bunch of crap in our bodies and heads and spirits in order to feel it. 

So, we ask for a soulmate relationship and then we find ourselves sick. What? That’s not what I asked for? But actually, it is. Because your body has gone into a state of clearing the muck and toxins that we consume, breath, eat, let in everyday. This is the path to your soulmate relationship. First, you have to clear every little negative thought, toxin, counter-intention standing in the way of your aligning with that soulmate vibration. 

You ask to be “joyfully content” and suddenly you feel depressed. That’s not what I asked for! Affirmations don’t work! But actually that is the affirmation working! That affirmation is connecting you to feelings you have to feel and clear in order to be blissfully content. We have to clear our old traumas and toxins in order to feel our natural joy and loving being.  Otherwise, we just continue in our negative, repetitive, anxious thought patterns.

Your spirit in co-creation with the universe instantly starts to move things to align with your intention. The trouble is we give up right when we are at the goal line. We poo-poo our affirmations and consume more toxins to cope with not getting what we longed for, dreamed, wished and intended. 

But I know firsthand that once you clear your issues, fun and joy and laughter are waiting to be enjoyed. 

So, take a chance, give it a go…state what you intend loud and clear: 

"I am joyfully connected to my loving family." 

"I am surrounded by people who love and support my vision." 

"I am a gift to the world and the world is grateful to have me in it." 

Whatever your highest vision for yourself is: dream it, envision it, visualize it, intend it and then allow the universe to work its magic. 

Whatever happens say “thank you” for the clearing and healing. 

I know it is hard to disconnect from the pain, but if you can say "thank you for those tears, I know they will wash away what's blocking me from my vision." 

I know it's a challenge, but try "thank you for this temporary setback, as it is forcing me to look at what I need to change to obtain my goal." 

And not identifying with the self-doubt or illusion, say "thank you for these negative thoughts that I didn’t realize they were still lurking in my subconscious. I remember them from my childhood and I know they are no longer true." 

And then let it them go. Feel them and release them and then allow the beauty, the bliss, the light, the joy, the ease, the fun to fill up in the space you cleared. 

And realize the truth of who you are: A co-creator. A powerful light. A gift from God. Part of the glorious evolution toward all that is good.

PS. This is not to say that every raising of your vibration necessitates a negative kickback, it doesn't. Much clearing can done effortlessly through Grace. To co-create this, set your intention for a transformation filled with ease and grace and then trust the universe to set the best course for you.

Can you feel your magnificence today?

Can you feel your magnificence today? 

Can you feel yourself light up the room? 

Can you feel the joy you radiate to others with your smile? 

Can you feel the infinite nature of your goodness? 

Can you acknowledge your greatness? 

Can you allow your divinity? 

Can you open your heart to deeper knowledge of your goodness? Your loving? 

Can you let go of being small? Can you let go of being smart? Can you let go of being right? Can you let go of needing someone else to acknowledge you for you? 

Can you feel your infinite value? 

Can you feel your delicious vibration?

 Can you allow your highest self and glow with the love of another? 

Can you let compassion fill your heart where you are angry or confused? 

Can you let your imagination take you to paradise on earth? A playground surrounded by rainbows protected by angels. With pungent blossoming flowers. 

Can you receive energy into your body from the sun? Can you bring the sun into your heart to light you up and radiate your goodness? 

Can you bask in the ease of doing nothing but being whole? Can you allow everything that you are? Can you relax and trust that you are taken care of? 

Can you feel your essence strong like a diamond reflecting, reflecting, and reflecting light to all that you meet? 

Can you feel your heart like the thousand petalled lotus opening in joy. In beauty. 

Can you let go of judging others? Of judging yourself? Let go of limits. Experience your full radiance? Can you forgive yourself when you do judge? 

Can you feel courage and strength within yourself? 

Can you allow life to be more fun, blissful, more joyful and pleasurable? Can you allow that you’re on your perfect path. Correcting when you need to. 

Can you allow yourself to enjoy your life’s journey? 

Can you allow yourself to enjoy your transformation? 

Can you be kinder to yourself today? 

Can you melt with compassion for all that you’ve been through and know that every other being has been through something too? 

Can you allow everything to be okay? Or something greater than yourself to work it out? Letting go of what no longer serves you. Opening up to feeling the love that is your nature. Wrapping yourself in arms that love you. Nourishing yourself from the sun, the air, the earth, the ether, all the days of your life.

May you feel surrounded by angels, delight in your own divinity, and reveal your true nature to all that you meet. Sat nam. 

Scapegoating

“Renounce! Renounce!” I screamed at the witch who had just tumbled from her broom. She was huddled on the floor shaking to her bones. The cathedral shook with the frenzied shouts I’d stirred up: “Renounce!” If this one witch denied everything she held true, I knew the rest of us would be saved. “Renounce! Renounce!” I coaxed the crowd. Time was running out. If she didn’t renounce soon – the rest of us were done for. But she wouldn’t renounce. This terrified, ornery witch laid on the floor in despair and failure and clung to her beliefs. So, I bit the bullet. I took one for the team. I fell to the floor and renounced my truth, the groups beliefs, and shattering my identity -- indeed destroyed my life…

This was a dream I had a few weeks ago…I was a witch and I was in a coven stirring up witch fights to find a scapegoat to “die” so the rest of us could be saved. When I unraveled it in my dream journal, I discovered something that really surprised me…

The Scapegoat Theory. We all know that life is a mirror of what is inside us. And that we project the “unlikeable” qualities onto others so we can deny them in ourselves and keep our ego fresh and happy, BUT did you also know, that we do this as a culture on an energetic level?

We actually project our negative energy onto the lowest man or woman on the totem pole so that we may feel sparkly and clean and good inside. Energetically. We cast our hatred, anger, disappointment onto one poor shlub so that they can die of humiliation and failure (overwhelmed by negative energy) and so that the rest of us may rise in glorious victory.

I’ve been the shlub. I’ve also watched others be the victim of the aspersions. There are also people who naturally cast themselves as the victim and therefore ask to take the crap. There are also kids who are loving and energetically open who end up biting someone because they are on negative-energy overload.

As we know, like attracts like. If you have been the victim in the past, you probably have a negative energy opening and when people sense that, you will be the prominent choice.

But I am here to tell you…an environment of Scapegoating is inherently unstable. The strongest members will cast aspersions, make fun, delight in condemning the work of one particular person. That person will suffer from depression and low self -esteem that is continually reinforced by nothing they do ever being “good” or “right.” Finally, the shlub will cave under the collected projection of worthlessness. And they will quit or be fired. And here’s where the instability is: the powers that be need a new scapegoat. They need someone to take their criticism so they don’t have to integrate it into themselves and bring down their “winning” vibration (I saw this on several TV shows I worked on...one year 2 showrunners were fired, 8 writers and countless others.)

So, the powers that be will turn to the next victim. And so on and so on. And really, how long can you dodge that bullet?

Scapegoating is the type of activity that causes teenagers to kill themselves. The pack has discovered a wounded animal. They take all their negative feelings and cast them onto that person. That kid, believing that the thoughts and feelings are real, cannot take the pain of the collective hatred and feelings of worthlessness and ends his/her life.  They take one for the team. Like Jesus did.

But I am going to suggest something radical. Really radical. You’d better sit down. Or stand up. I am going to suggest we stop projecting! That’s right!

We stop castigating that person for being the offensive one or that person for being spoiled or that person for being incompetent. I suggest (and I am learning and changing from it as I write this) that instead of seeing an easy target for your negative thoughts and feelings, that you transmute them yourself.

What does this mean? It means…take responsibility for the trait you are seeing in another and set that trait free within yourself. It’s super easy and no one has to bear your burden for you. (Though, a big shout out of “thanks” for those who have been!)

What does this look like?

I see that someone is judging another person. Instead of judging that person for judging, I say “I take responsibility for that part of myself that judges others and I release it back into the nothingness from which it came.” Or…

I see that person is addicted to smoking. I take responsibility for my addictions and I set my pattern of addictive behavior free within myself. Just through intention.

The transmutation can occur instantly or it can take some time to release the negative feelings. Once you feel them, it is really easy to let them go. The point is…you are doing your part. You are taking responsibility for your subconscious. You are righting the wrong of unconscious projection. You become a hero! Yay for you! You become the warrior who will not allow another to be abused in your presence.

You prevent the kid from killing himself. You set the example for easy transmutation of the shadow side. You also create an act of profound self-loving at the same time. You are allowing yourself to be wholly, fully, all that you are, worts, failures and mistakes allowed and accepted. Full acceptance means full integration of all that you are. You love yourself no matter what. You accept yourself if you are sick, lonely, without a job, without a friend or wearing plaid pants. ALL OF IT! Integrated into one!

Do you feel your divinity showing? Cuz it is.

Selfish vs. Self-Loving

People assert that Americans are selfish. And that selfishness is wrong. But there is a basic misunderstanding between "selfishness" and being "self-loving." Being self-loving is a prerequisite for authentically caring for another person. If self-love isn't present, then the act of giving is forced and inauthentic. Further, it may even be a manipulation to get love or a "show" to prove love that is not felt.

Why is this? Because how can you care about someone else when you are subconsciously tending to your own wounded inner child who is screaming for attention?

The age-old question of “are people altruistic or self-serving” has an easy answer. If the person was taught self-love (or learned it along the way), then they have the freedom to live altruistically. They value themselves for who they are and not for their accomplishments. They feel naturally connected to others through the current of love within themselves.

If the person grew up without that core feeling of value in just being themselves, then they have to manipulate to get love (because they believe they are unlovable), they have to work hard and compete with others for value and attention and they have to look out for themselves (because nobody else is looking out for them.)

It can be a challenging belief system to change. If you feel selfish, you beat yourself up over feeling that way, which makes you feel worse, which makes you need more love and attention (or the cultural substitutes- more food, alcohol, attention from the others, money, sex, therapy, etc), which makes you feel more “selfish.”

So, how do you get out of the loop?

Bringing compassion to yourself is a good first step. Looking at yourself with loving eyes is the first step in reparenting your inner child toward knowing his/her true value. If you bring compassion to yourself every time you judge yourself (or another) you can begin to feel what unconditional love feels like. The more compassion, the less judgment and eventually, it will all be compassion.

What does “bringing compassion to yourself” feel like? For me, there is a softening of the body, the mind relaxes, the heart says "I love you anyway", the soul says “I understand” and the eyes only see beauty. 

If that doesn't work, try looking at yourself through your pet's eyes. All they see is perfection.

Pain, the Great Motivator

For many of us, pain is the great motivator for change. Pain swoops in and chastises us for working too hard or pain tells us we’re not in the correct line of work. Or pain shoots through our body and tells us to pay more attention to ourselves and our feelings. A painful divorce makes us look at the person we’ve become. A painful accident often slows us down so we can reexamine what we are doing with our lives. The pain of being alone can drive us to expand our hearts to connect with others. Pain is a very convincing foot soldier. It fights for us to align with ourselves body, mind and spirit.

But what if pain is not the Darth Vader, the devil, the evil we make it out to be, but merely stuck energy?  We like our safe routines. Our guarantees. What we know.

If pain causes us to shift and change, perhaps the answer is to shift and change without the motivation of pain. Change through pleasure.

My inspiration for this really came from the book “Yes Man” which is entirely different from the (very good) movie of the same title. In the book, the writer dares himself to say “Yes!” to everything for an entire year and chaos and beauty ensue (and hilarity). Thus, I too started saying “yes” and doing things I’ve never done and I felt an incredible inflow of energy. With more energy came greater passion and following those passions, greater joy and more perspective.

Everyday became new and exciting. Never knowing what I would do or what beauty would open up for me.  

But if saying “yes” to everything to get your energy flowing is too radical for you, I designed a nice (safe) way to get the mojo flowing…in five easy steps:

1. Ask for the help of your higher self. You know this self; you experience him/her in nature, in church, in moments of bliss and great love. It can be as easy as saying “Higher self, please guide me.”

2. Sit down and take a few cleansing breaths. This is to center and bring awareness into yourself.

3. Ask yourself, “If I could do anything differently today that would be for my highest good, what would it be?”

4. Wait quietly for an answer. It will come. If it doesn’t pop into your head immediately, give it some space. It may come when you sleep or take a shower or make the grocery list. It might come as a strong pull to go somewhere or you might be attracted to a facebook event. It might even come as a friend calling out of the blue to invite you someplace fun.

5. Do it. Whatever the guidance is, follow it. Don’t make it hard. Don’t talk yourself out of it. Do it to the best of your ability. Even if you do it badly or for half the time. The smallest change can change everything. Why is that? Because you are letting go of a habit. You are doing something new. This brings in fresh, new energy. Fresh, new perspective. A shift. An opening. From that opening, other openings occur.

This is the “manifold path to easy enlightenment.” Small shifts that continue to open us up to the oneness. It should feel good! If it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it. The reason it feels good is that you are bringing yourself into alignment with your  higher self. The real you. The loving, lovable, wise, beautiful, funny, carefree, grounded you that is your true nature. The closer you come to that self, the more blissful you feel. Yes, there may be detoxing or resistance along the way. But on the other side of it – is joy.

As The Staple Sisters song says, “I’ll take you there. Mercy. I’ll take you there.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xO0Q3192Jrs&feature=related

Congratulations!

The crowd cheers. A warm sensation of success bubbles through you. Your body relaxes in acceptance of accomplishment. You feel honored. Like you made a difference. You changed lives and improved them.

I love the feeling of accomplishment. It really makes me want to accomplish something. Isn’t it that applause, that adulation, that feeling of accomplishment that drives us to rewrite the script one more time, to push our bodies to hold that yoga pose or create another art project for the kindergarten class.

So, what I am pitching is…start with the adulation. Start with the Congratulations. Let the feeling of accomplishment wash over you so you know where you are headed. Let the congratulations drive you through the obstacles to the successful completion of your goal.

I recently put up a “Congratulations” sign in my living room and it does wonders. Everyone who comes in wonders what they did to deserve it. It helps them reflect on the everyday accomplishments we sometimes blow past. If we don’t give value to these small accomplishments, how can we build steam for the big ones?

Every night before bed, I run through what I accomplished that day. I acknowledge myself for giving food to a person who was hungry, I acknowledge myself for the writing I did that day, I acknowledge myself for taking good care of my body, I acknowledge myself for any small breakthroughs –any change in a pattern – any upleveling -- any sign of a more open heart, I acknowledge myself for any refocusing I did that day, any healing work I did that day, any kindness I showed to myself or another.

My body/mind/spirit needs this positive reinforcement. It likes to hear what went right so it can do it again tomorrow. Often if we don’t feel acknowledged and valued by the world, it is because we are refusing to acknowledge and value ourselves.

So, say “Hooray!” Don’t be shy. Say “Great job.” Say “I’m proud of you” whenever possible and you’ll find you have more and more to say “hooray” for.

Congratulations! You did it!

The Dark Night of The Soul

What is a Dark Night of the Soul?

It is that painful—ouch! transformative time where you have decided you want a better life and your body/mind/spirit have all aligned to help you get it. First, your body/mind/soul say “We have to kick out the dust.” In order to uplevel to the next frequency/level of consciousness – the one that is kinder, gentler, knowing it’s value, easily auspicious, intuitive, aligned – the body has to get rid of the negative energy holding it in place. It has to clear the thoughts, feelings and beliefs connected to the old way of being. Thus, ouch, everything boils up, you feel like you are taken under, you can feel like this is the end of everything, so that, yes, you surrender, ah! You let go of trying, you accept the inflow of support (spirit), you give up control and become the child of the universe.

Why do we need the breakdown? Well, we don’t all need it. We could make small progress on our spiritual path everyday. But sometimes we get too busy and wound around the survival instincts and we forget to uplevel. Yet we get that nudge that there is more – that we are more. So, our body forces us to wrestle our demons.

The demons are illusions sent to help you recover your innocence. The illusions can take the form of physical pain, emotional suffering, paranoid thoughts, unconscious anxiety. The important thing is to pay attention to what is happening to you. Feel your feelings. When we use alcohol or pot to repress these moments of discomfort, they double in potency. We are taught as children how to repress emotions, but we aren’t taught (unless we did acting) how to express and let go of these feelings.

So, the first thing to remember is that YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT! AND YOU WILL FEEL BETTER ONCE YOU DO.

Now, how to get through it? There are many ways. First, don’t identify with it. You are not your thoughts, beliefs and feelings. You are something greater than that and eternal. You are the consciousness witnessing the growth of yourself. So, don’t believe the demons.

Second, You have to take responsibility for your feelings. You cannot process feelings that you do not own. So, cut yourself and everyone else some slack and simply say, “I take responsibility for being judgmental or angry or a bully or a whiner and I let it go.” Then feel what it feels like. Feel the anger or the guilt or the rage. If you are too remote from your feelings and you have the secondary traits that scream of repressed feelings like insomnia and body aches, then you can use breath meditation to help the feelings come up and out.

Two breaths in—one, filling and expanding the stomach – one filling and expanding the lungs and one breath out – all through the mouth. (Or you can pound the bed, scream into a pillow, do Kundalini Yoga Releasing Inner Anger Kriya.)

Once you have full explored and cleared the feelings, now it is time to clear the underlying belief that created it. You can do that by forgiving yourself for judging yourself as a bully or as lazy or as a bad parent. You can often trace the underlying belief from whatever the trigger was.

If someone insulted your work and that upset you…the underlying belief is probably, “I am not good enough. My work isn’t good enough.” So, in order to uplevel to the next frequency, you need a new belief, “My work is excellent.” (The belief creates the reality, not the other way around.)

The breakdown has now become the breakthrough. Feel the spaciousness within. The body is filling with light of new awareness and self-love. The mind is rewiring itself for the shiny new belief system. The body feels relaxed having let go of that tension of resisting and having detoxed from all those old messages you no longer needed.

DNOTS transforms into the BRIGHT, SHINING DAWN OF THE SOUL. Ah! Feels better.

And don’t forget to acknowledge yourself for doing the work to get through it.

XO, Laurence 

How Good Can It Get?

In moments of unmotived, blissful reflection, I find myself asking myself, “How good can you let this be?” Having overcome my personal dark nights of the soul and the majority of my trigger issues, I am relaxing into on-going periods of silence, beingness and neutrality. Yes, the colors look sharper and my awareness spreads into the details surrounding me. And the occasional negative thought will pop into my head as a reminder of where I came from. Then my neutral mind will cancel that thought or let it go or I will choose to refocus onto what I want and my life purpose without engaging with it. But for the most part, my heart and mind are just open and blank. When I need to do, I do, when I need to rest, I rest. No commotion, no self-argument, just ease and flow.

It is like living underwater in the ocean. It feels deep and soothing. Like time is slowed down. Like that ocean is within me. I feel so much gratitude to myself for dealing with the triggers, for tracing them back to their root and plucking them like weeds (one at a time), or rewriting them like a script. All my work paid off. Now I get to relish in the deliciousness and discover for myself, “How good can life be?” It is in the moments between eating the next bite of breakfast or daydreaming as I take a break from work.  

Can I allow life to be even better? Can I relax in that one area in my body? Can I receive more kindness from friends? Can I offer more generosity to strangers? Or to myself? What happens if I open to being even more joyful?

I share this reflection with you in case it speaks to you. In case it helps you allow yourself more joy and love. You deserve it. You can do more, be more and give more from it. 

So why not exhale all constraint and worries and inhale a whole new world of possibility. Limitless joy. That’s where I’m headed…join me?

Introduction to The Everyday Guru

The purpose of this blog is to share my thoughts, feelings and experiences as I grow in awareness and progress on my path of enlightenment. I call it "The Everyday Guru" because I find that I need to awaken my highest self, my inner guru, everyday so that I can be aligned with my highest wisdom and most joyful life path. A "guru" is a person who can find the light in the darkness or even transform the darkness into light.

Everyone's path is different and I respect that. This is my journey -- the forums of transformation that appeal to me. Part of awakening your own "inner guru" is discovering what works for you, what you value, what floats your boat, how you follow your bliss. To fulfill our life purpose, it helps to get in touch with what resonates highest for us.

There are many questions on the road to enlightenment. How can you tell what is your instinct vs. what is your attachment? How can you tell what is a proper warning vs. what is ego resistance. I will be answering those kinds of questions for myself using my own inner guru and hopefully can inspire you to do the same. I hope you will share your thoughts, questions and appreciations with me through the "comments." I look forward to awakening and walking with our everyday gurus...