Yoga and Sex Scandals: Not Mutually Inclusive

NY Times recently ran an article by William Broad called “Yoga and Sex Scandals: No Surprise Here.” It had shocking and ground-breaking news that yoga was derived from Tantra and that’s why yogis and their students get aroused and have scandalous affairs.

But guess what? Yoga isn’t what gets us turned on. Our biology gets us turned on. Naturally. For the perpetuation of the species. For the joy of living. Humans have sexual desires. Not just humans who do yoga.

What yoga does is clear the toxins we add to our bodies that dull our ability to feel. Yoga stimulates the glands to secrete properly. Yoga helps release the stress and tension that shut down our sexual drive. Yoga stimulates hormones that make us feel happy, which helps us to socialize with others which may allow a loving connection with another sexual human.

Actually, what causes “sex scandals” is the repression of our natural sex drive. Repression of our desires causes perversions. What you shove down becomes overwhelming and has to find and outlet. Hence, priests and alter boys. Hence, extra-marital affairs. It is the same with any of the human needs. The anorexic denies herself food and then binges impulsively. The addict has been denied love and fills the emptiness with alcohol, porn, comfort food and/or drugs.

We have a choice of whether we are going to acknowledge our natural desires and enjoy them or whether we are going to live lives filled with denial and shame. Living with shame only leads to negative self-image, negative actions and self-abusing thoughts and behavior. Enjoying the basic human desires – eating right, sleeping properly, making love – makes us healthy, happy, self-loving, and kind to others.

Yes, yoga makes you feel more alive. It helps you to become present in your body. It wakes up the senses. It releases fear, stress and toxic energy so that we can feel our natural state of being: joyful, sensitive and perhaps aroused. That should be a good thing. Not a spurious headline.

And yes, perhaps some yogis have taken advantage of their stature, as have senators and CEOs and even Presidents. (Could Clinton's tree pose have dropped Monica to her knees?) But yoga isn’t responsible for people lying to their spouses. Yoga didn’t make the practitioner go to bed with the guru. Probably poor self-esteem or an absentee father did. One doesn’t need to do yoga to abuse sexual desire.

But repressing your own sexuality and creating distance from your body’s needs is going to lead to more pain through depression, perversions and toxic, numbing substitutes (alcohol, overeating, and drugs). Guaranteed.

So, do yoga. Celebrate your body. Celebrate your natural desires. You get pleasure from them for a reason.

Yoga didn’t invent the orgasm. Your body did. Why not enjoy one today? It's cheaper than prozac.

The Trouble with Authority Issues

Here is one of those hard to break cycles in which the cause of the problem prevents the solution to it. Once a person has been abused by an authority it is very difficult for them to get over it because any person striving to help is deemed an authority and thus, untrustable.

Losing that first relationship of dependability and trust creates an angry person who refuses all help (cuz they don’t trust it will help) and so must “do everything on their own.” Not only that, but their distrust extends from the person who first broke trust to their boss, to their teachers, even to God.

“God didn’t protect me from this person who hurt me so I can’t trust God either.” This is a conundrum. The expectation of being let down or hurt leads to that reality. The chip on the shoulder from being hurt always makes others defensive as well. So, the person with authority issues will inevitably work for the unfair boss, will get pulled over by the condescending police officer and will spend hours on the phone trying to get a refund for $12.99.

This will be further proof of the injustice in the world and lackadaisical attitude of God. The people most hurt will become skeptical of everything. They will see people as trying to get something out of them. They will see kindness as manipulation and love as entrapment.

What can be done when any action taken will be perceived as an attack?

I know what rescued me from being a PWAI, person with authority issues, was a native American woman named Fran. She sat in a talking circle and passed around a feather. When you held the feather you could talk and everyone else had to listen. I thought this talking circle was miraculous. People actually listened to what I had to say. They had to. Ha ha ha. And everything shared in this circle was sacred. It could not be spoken of or referred to outside of the circle. And Fran listened to each person so intensely. She would nod with a serious expression and you felt like Mother Earth cared about your feelings.

Having Fran look at me the way she did and watching her listen to each person was the first time I felt compassion. It melted me. My insides turned to warm butter. Fran cared. Fran listened. Fran didn’t judge. And nothing shocked or frightened Fran. No issue was too great for her heart could hold the whole of the world. I asked Fran how she was able to be so loving and compassionate and she said “I see through God’s eyes.”

Looking at people through God’s eyes meant that we all looked dear and precious and like the miracles we are. And Fran changed my years of swimming upstream just from the way she looked at me.

It took many years to melt my rebellion. It took many years to let go of my anger. It took many years to remove my armor. I was significantly protected. But I did it. Taking one tiny trusting step at a time, finding one healer after the next who I could trust to support my transformation and not betray my trust. Then, finally one day, like the caterpillar turning into the butterfly, I trusted again. I trusted men and women, and bosses and police officers and God and even myself. Even those bureaucratic people on the phone have hearts, I learned.

So, now my goal is to offer help to others. The ones who don’t want help because they can do it all themselves. The ones who mistrust actions and intentions and project suspicious motivations. Somehow I will learn what they need. Non-judgment. A belief in their highest self. A witness to their pain. An encouraging word.

And I will give what Fran gave to me…faith. Faith in myself, faith in God, faith in a world that is, at its core, good.

Thanks Fran…no more tickets.

Why Monks Are Boring or The Affect of the Ego

It recently occurred to me that many personality traits stem straight from ego wounds. Someone calls you “stupid” so you develop “the intellectual” aspect, reading everything you can get your hands on. Someone calls you “weak” and suddenly the “workout” guy appears desperate to tone his muscles and build his strength.

When I was little and my mom constantly talked about wanting to die, I developed “manic, sarcastic” girl, who took nothing seriously, in order to defend myself. The downside of “manic, sarcastic” girl was that she pissed a lot of people off with her unedited sharp tongue and outspokenness. Also, she tended to get a lot of driving tickets.

As children, we need these defenses. As adults, they limit our freedom of expression. They pen us in by giving us rote responses to the stimulus around us. And that’s why monks are boring. Monks have spent so much time meditating that they have melted the personality defenses and come into oneness with their true loving nature. (Of course they’re not really boring, it’s just my personality affect drawing them that way to intrigue you.)

Monks have no need to flirt or win an Oscar or have a big bank account or raise their status through marrying well or having a great job: they know their value as divine, they don’t have to prove themselves through witty quips or sexy dance moves. (But that does give me a great idea for a TV show.) They don’t need to make jokes at other people’s expense or judge others as bad to make themselves good.

And as I mentioned, monks aren’t really boring. Inside they are ecstatically blissful beaming with radiant energy. Outside, they are peaceful and delight all with their gentle smiles and colorful robes.

It’s been interesting for me as I’ve reintegrated those ego personality traits that I used to get attention. The enthusiastic cheerleader – wow, she took a lot of energy. The manic, sarcastic girl – she had a “comeback” for everything. The over achiever – so happy to let that one go and be in the flow and receive from the universe. Even the “laid back flower child” was a bit of an affect.

By loving and accepting each aspect of myself (the victim, the bully, the desperate, needy self, the demanding self, the jealous self) I have slowly traced the creation of each trait back to their original trauma, felt and released the pain and misunderstanding that created it and transmuted the energy I used to maintain that trait into loving energy.

So, maybe you don’t want to be a monk, but maybe being Woody Allen is wearing a little thin. What can you do?

You can spend time with the trait you are ready to integrate: the overeater, the drinker, the liar, the procrastinator – you can sit down and talk to that part of yourself. Don’t scold it or mock it or put it down – that’s how it was created in the first place.

Endeavor to understand it. Ask it questions. Listen to its answers. Maybe the drinker needs to feel loved to let go of “needing to relax.” Maybe the procrastinator needs some assurance that you believe in him. Maybe the liar needs to know it is safe (now) to tell the truth. Maybe the overeater needs to tell you about not getting her needs met in the past. Maybe she needs you to speak up to get her needs met now.

Listen, learn, understand and love that aspect. And you might find that aspect can release its tight grip on you. It can release protecting you in its rigid way. Maybe that aspect can become freed up energy that you can use to enjoy life, create goodness and radiant love. Afterall, it worked for the monks… 

How much pleasure can you handle?

At what point while having fun or indulging yourself does your body rebel and “punish” you? Today, I was having a joyful day of meditating in the morning, walking my dogs, researching my latest writing project, reading ‘A Course in Miracles’ in the bathtub, getting an hour foot massage (for $25) and delighting in a chocolate croissant and refresh tea when – I stubbed my toe. That was my maximum. It was about 10 hours of pleasure. That’s pretty good. But then my ego said…I can’t take it. We’re not used to this much goodness and ease and peace. I must intervene. I must reel it back. So…ouch!

Of course, I worked my magic on my foot and it was fine in no time, but it reminded me of the ego’s thermostat for joy and pleasure and my determination to break it. As children our bodies build an internal monitor of pleasure and pain. The ego is trying to keep us safe at all times so it adjusts to the level of crazy we were raised with. Then, everything you try to do above (or below) that level gets the rubberband effect. We naturally readjust to what we are used to. This is one of the reasons it is challenging to break an unhealthy pattern. It is almost as if our body tells us to take our negative medicine to keep everything as is.

But it is breakable! I went from being miserable 85-100% of the time in my teens to being joyful 85-100% decades later. Yes, it took work. I employed a plethora of healing techniques, but just as importantly, I set my intention to be more joyful everyday and I push the boundaries of pleasure and fun relaxing into greater and greater joy. I pay attention to when negative thoughts, feelings and actions come up. When I am able, I give them love and understanding as I know they are just wounded pieces of my ego that need attention.

So, here’s the challenge… get out your thermometer and take your temperature. Where you at? Can you raise your bar? Can you have a scooch more joy? An inch more pleasure? Can you add sensuality to washing the dishes to make them more enjoyable? Can you give yourself a hug or kiss just for fun? Can you relax your body and feel into the spots where there is space for more joy? And then can you close your eyes and let pleasure well up inside?

Fredrick Dodson tells us we can increase our joy just by getting silent and willing it to increase. 10 fold, 100 fold, 10,000 fold. Try it. It just might lift your spirits and raise your thermometer a whole new level…

In case you think affirmations don't work...

Once an affirmation is stated, the universe quickly conspires to fulfill it. Whether you ask to be “beautiful, bountiful and blissful” or “to have more money or peace in your life”, as soon as you make the request, changes start to occur.

The reason that many people believe affirmations don’t work is that in order to get to the frequency of "bliss" or "peace" or "more money", oftentimes we must clear a bunch of crap in our bodies and heads and spirits in order to feel it. 

So, we ask for a soulmate relationship and then we find ourselves sick. What? That’s not what I asked for? But actually, it is. Because your body has gone into a state of clearing the muck and toxins that we consume, breath, eat, let in everyday. This is the path to your soulmate relationship. First, you have to clear every little negative thought, toxin, counter-intention standing in the way of your aligning with that soulmate vibration. 

You ask to be “joyfully content” and suddenly you feel depressed. That’s not what I asked for! Affirmations don’t work! But actually that is the affirmation working! That affirmation is connecting you to feelings you have to feel and clear in order to be blissfully content. We have to clear our old traumas and toxins in order to feel our natural joy and loving being.  Otherwise, we just continue in our negative, repetitive, anxious thought patterns.

Your spirit in co-creation with the universe instantly starts to move things to align with your intention. The trouble is we give up right when we are at the goal line. We poo-poo our affirmations and consume more toxins to cope with not getting what we longed for, dreamed, wished and intended. 

But I know firsthand that once you clear your issues, fun and joy and laughter are waiting to be enjoyed. 

So, take a chance, give it a go…state what you intend loud and clear: 

"I am joyfully connected to my loving family." 

"I am surrounded by people who love and support my vision." 

"I am a gift to the world and the world is grateful to have me in it." 

Whatever your highest vision for yourself is: dream it, envision it, visualize it, intend it and then allow the universe to work its magic. 

Whatever happens say “thank you” for the clearing and healing. 

I know it is hard to disconnect from the pain, but if you can say "thank you for those tears, I know they will wash away what's blocking me from my vision." 

I know it's a challenge, but try "thank you for this temporary setback, as it is forcing me to look at what I need to change to obtain my goal." 

And not identifying with the self-doubt or illusion, say "thank you for these negative thoughts that I didn’t realize they were still lurking in my subconscious. I remember them from my childhood and I know they are no longer true." 

And then let it them go. Feel them and release them and then allow the beauty, the bliss, the light, the joy, the ease, the fun to fill up in the space you cleared. 

And realize the truth of who you are: A co-creator. A powerful light. A gift from God. Part of the glorious evolution toward all that is good.

PS. This is not to say that every raising of your vibration necessitates a negative kickback, it doesn't. Much clearing can done effortlessly through Grace. To co-create this, set your intention for a transformation filled with ease and grace and then trust the universe to set the best course for you.

Can you feel your magnificence today?

Can you feel your magnificence today? 

Can you feel yourself light up the room? 

Can you feel the joy you radiate to others with your smile? 

Can you feel the infinite nature of your goodness? 

Can you acknowledge your greatness? 

Can you allow your divinity? 

Can you open your heart to deeper knowledge of your goodness? Your loving? 

Can you let go of being small? Can you let go of being smart? Can you let go of being right? Can you let go of needing someone else to acknowledge you for you? 

Can you feel your infinite value? 

Can you feel your delicious vibration?

 Can you allow your highest self and glow with the love of another? 

Can you let compassion fill your heart where you are angry or confused? 

Can you let your imagination take you to paradise on earth? A playground surrounded by rainbows protected by angels. With pungent blossoming flowers. 

Can you receive energy into your body from the sun? Can you bring the sun into your heart to light you up and radiate your goodness? 

Can you bask in the ease of doing nothing but being whole? Can you allow everything that you are? Can you relax and trust that you are taken care of? 

Can you feel your essence strong like a diamond reflecting, reflecting, and reflecting light to all that you meet? 

Can you feel your heart like the thousand petalled lotus opening in joy. In beauty. 

Can you let go of judging others? Of judging yourself? Let go of limits. Experience your full radiance? Can you forgive yourself when you do judge? 

Can you feel courage and strength within yourself? 

Can you allow life to be more fun, blissful, more joyful and pleasurable? Can you allow that you’re on your perfect path. Correcting when you need to. 

Can you allow yourself to enjoy your life’s journey? 

Can you allow yourself to enjoy your transformation? 

Can you be kinder to yourself today? 

Can you melt with compassion for all that you’ve been through and know that every other being has been through something too? 

Can you allow everything to be okay? Or something greater than yourself to work it out? Letting go of what no longer serves you. Opening up to feeling the love that is your nature. Wrapping yourself in arms that love you. Nourishing yourself from the sun, the air, the earth, the ether, all the days of your life.

May you feel surrounded by angels, delight in your own divinity, and reveal your true nature to all that you meet. Sat nam. 

Scapegoating

“Renounce! Renounce!” I screamed at the witch who had just tumbled from her broom. She was huddled on the floor shaking to her bones. The cathedral shook with the frenzied shouts I’d stirred up: “Renounce!” If this one witch denied everything she held true, I knew the rest of us would be saved. “Renounce! Renounce!” I coaxed the crowd. Time was running out. If she didn’t renounce soon – the rest of us were done for. But she wouldn’t renounce. This terrified, ornery witch laid on the floor in despair and failure and clung to her beliefs. So, I bit the bullet. I took one for the team. I fell to the floor and renounced my truth, the groups beliefs, and shattering my identity -- indeed destroyed my life…

This was a dream I had a few weeks ago…I was a witch and I was in a coven stirring up witch fights to find a scapegoat to “die” so the rest of us could be saved. When I unraveled it in my dream journal, I discovered something that really surprised me…

The Scapegoat Theory. We all know that life is a mirror of what is inside us. And that we project the “unlikeable” qualities onto others so we can deny them in ourselves and keep our ego fresh and happy, BUT did you also know, that we do this as a culture on an energetic level?

We actually project our negative energy onto the lowest man or woman on the totem pole so that we may feel sparkly and clean and good inside. Energetically. We cast our hatred, anger, disappointment onto one poor shlub so that they can die of humiliation and failure (overwhelmed by negative energy) and so that the rest of us may rise in glorious victory.

I’ve been the shlub. I’ve also watched others be the victim of the aspersions. There are also people who naturally cast themselves as the victim and therefore ask to take the crap. There are also kids who are loving and energetically open who end up biting someone because they are on negative-energy overload.

As we know, like attracts like. If you have been the victim in the past, you probably have a negative energy opening and when people sense that, you will be the prominent choice.

But I am here to tell you…an environment of Scapegoating is inherently unstable. The strongest members will cast aspersions, make fun, delight in condemning the work of one particular person. That person will suffer from depression and low self -esteem that is continually reinforced by nothing they do ever being “good” or “right.” Finally, the shlub will cave under the collected projection of worthlessness. And they will quit or be fired. And here’s where the instability is: the powers that be need a new scapegoat. They need someone to take their criticism so they don’t have to integrate it into themselves and bring down their “winning” vibration (I saw this on several TV shows I worked on...one year 2 showrunners were fired, 8 writers and countless others.)

So, the powers that be will turn to the next victim. And so on and so on. And really, how long can you dodge that bullet?

Scapegoating is the type of activity that causes teenagers to kill themselves. The pack has discovered a wounded animal. They take all their negative feelings and cast them onto that person. That kid, believing that the thoughts and feelings are real, cannot take the pain of the collective hatred and feelings of worthlessness and ends his/her life.  They take one for the team. Like Jesus did.

But I am going to suggest something radical. Really radical. You’d better sit down. Or stand up. I am going to suggest we stop projecting! That’s right!

We stop castigating that person for being the offensive one or that person for being spoiled or that person for being incompetent. I suggest (and I am learning and changing from it as I write this) that instead of seeing an easy target for your negative thoughts and feelings, that you transmute them yourself.

What does this mean? It means…take responsibility for the trait you are seeing in another and set that trait free within yourself. It’s super easy and no one has to bear your burden for you. (Though, a big shout out of “thanks” for those who have been!)

What does this look like?

I see that someone is judging another person. Instead of judging that person for judging, I say “I take responsibility for that part of myself that judges others and I release it back into the nothingness from which it came.” Or…

I see that person is addicted to smoking. I take responsibility for my addictions and I set my pattern of addictive behavior free within myself. Just through intention.

The transmutation can occur instantly or it can take some time to release the negative feelings. Once you feel them, it is really easy to let them go. The point is…you are doing your part. You are taking responsibility for your subconscious. You are righting the wrong of unconscious projection. You become a hero! Yay for you! You become the warrior who will not allow another to be abused in your presence.

You prevent the kid from killing himself. You set the example for easy transmutation of the shadow side. You also create an act of profound self-loving at the same time. You are allowing yourself to be wholly, fully, all that you are, worts, failures and mistakes allowed and accepted. Full acceptance means full integration of all that you are. You love yourself no matter what. You accept yourself if you are sick, lonely, without a job, without a friend or wearing plaid pants. ALL OF IT! Integrated into one!

Do you feel your divinity showing? Cuz it is.